Mrs Toluwanimi Ajayi has been married to her husband for five years. The past year has been full of conflicts and misunderstandings for them. The number of times they have had misunderstandings in the past one year is half the number of the misunderstandings they have had since they were married. They were gradually growing apart. This has taken its toll on her. She looks stressed and tired each day. Her blood pressure is on the rise while she loses more of her appetite every day. Her clothes no longer fit. She decided to talk to her mother after she had endured for a long time. She's sure there is something they are not doing right.
'Toluwanimi, conflicts are normal parts of relationships, but you need to know how to handle them, so that, rather than tear you apart, it brings you together' Her mother suggested.
'Exactly, mom! It is tearing us apart and we can't seem to handle it any longer.
Apparently, there was an information I got from Healthyish’s, a professional in the health field, and would like for you to learn from them. They were able to help many people and couples understand and learn the negative impact conflicts in relationships poses to our health and the information I got from them was mind blowing.
They were able to analyze scientifically the biological impact on our Health, how unresolved conflicts can affect the body causing stress by the release of a hormone called adrenaline and further went ahead to mention another hormone called cortisol which when constantly released in the body without it actual functions cause inflammation that could lead to major chronic health problems. This explanation would be best described from the source, because I do not think I’m scratching the surface at all ‘her mother explained. I have a voice record, where couples gave testimony of how her talk on conflict resolution helped them.
At the end of the recording, she discussed extensively on conflict resolution in relationships. Let me look for it where I saved it in my iCloud, she stood up and went to her room to get her phone.
Conflict in relationships, either romantic or otherwise, is not uncommon. Misunderstandings are bound to happen due to our differing backgrounds, ideologies, values, goals and motives. However, unresolved conflict can cause stress, both physically and mentally. It can also destroy the bonds between people. How we handle conflicts goes a long way in determining our health and the relationship. Realizing that conflict can encourage growth, promote deeper understanding and improved communication should drive us towards seeking healthy ways to resolve them. It is crucial to learn how to resolve conflicts in a healthy way for our relationships to thrive.
1. Communicate your feelings and thoughts: Communication is an essential part of conflict resolution. Communicate your feelings and thoughts in a clear and respectful manner. Do not use accusatory words or place blame on the other party. Practice using 'I' to express how you feel rather than telling the person what they didn't do or what they did. For instance, 'I feel annoyed when you call me that name'.
2. Practice active listening: When resolving conflicts, listen actively to the other part. Do not interrupt them or become defensive when they are expressing themselves. Do not let your body language suggest that you would rather be elsewhere than be with them.
3. Find a compromise or common ground: For a relationship to thrive, both parties must be willing to compromise. Being compromising doesn't mean you are giving in to the other person or giving up but rather seeking a solution that respects the needs and feelings of both parties.
4. Focus on the issue at hand: Stick to resolving one conflict at a time. Avoid bringing up past conflicts or unrelated issues during a disagreement.
5. Be open-minded: Be flexible and willing to understand the other party's point of view and concerns. Remain objective and try as much as possible to not let your feelings cloud your sense of judgement.
6. Take responsibility for your actions: Avoid playing the blame game. Identify and recognize your role in the conflict. Drop your ego and be willing to apologize and make amends if necessary.
7. Take a step back: If no progress is being made during the conflict resolution process and emotions are running high, take a break and revisit the issue when you are calmer.
8. Forgiveness: Lastly, learn to forgive and let go of past offenses and hurts. Holding on to grudges and resentment is unhealthy to a relationship.
Remember, conflicts in relationships are not uncommon. However, the way they are handled goes a long way in determining our health and the relationship.
NB: We are bio individuals which is to say not all size fits all. Prioritizing yourself and your journey with the support and guidance of a health coach will further help in your progress and such a person would be able to get detailed information about themselves that could facilitate results.
