Asake was tired of how her relationship is,”She didn't know how best to communicate to Olakunle that his actions were hurting her. She felt overwhelmed and exhausted in the relationship. He kept repeating things she doesn't like.
'How come he doesn't know I don't like what he is doing' She thought to herself without telling him. Slowly, resentment and bitterness began to build up in her heart. She couldn't feel the love she once had for him. The love was replaced by irritation. Each time she saw him, her heart beats faster than normal. She began to have anxiety on seeing and spending time with him.
'I can't continue like this' she said to her friend while they were on their way to the market. 'I am beginning to have high blood pressure because I worry so much about the relationship. I think I need a break. It's affecting my mental and physical health already. I can't even concentrate well at work'. She ended.
'Hmm. Have you told him that you don't like what he does?' Her friend asked.
'Tell him? What's there to tell him? Shouldn't he know? Isn't a guy supposed to know what a lady wants and what she doesn't without the lady communicating it?' She threw her hands up in the air exasperated.
Her friend stopped abruptly and faced her 'Asake, that is exactly where you are missing it. How do you expect him to know what you want and what you don't want if you don't tell him. Babes, he is a guy not a mind reader.You have to let him know your boundaries. You're just here having unnecessary physical and mental stress. See, I read an article on this blog 'healthyish blog' about how to set and maintain boundaries in a relationship. I will send the link to you now, so, you can read it. It's really enlightening. After reading it, try to apply those tips in your relationship and see if you won't see results. I don't even know what's wrong with you,”She brought out her phone from her purse and clicked on the WhatsApp icon, scrolled to Asake's name and forwarded the link to her.
'Alright. I have heard you. Wait o, you didn't tell me you are now a relationship expert' She smirked 'Anyways, thank you' She added.
'I am not a relationship expert. I have just been visiting that blog to read educative and enlightening posts. You should too'
Boundaries indicate the beginning of a thing and the end of another. Boundaries in relationships help to define what we can accept and what we cannot accept in our relationship with others. They are limits put in place to protect our physical, mental and emotional well-being. It helps individuals to maintain their sense of individuality, promote mutual respects and foster open communication in relationships. When boundaries are not clearly defined and established in a relationship, there is tendency for one party to constantly and consistently offend the other party creating hurt in the other party. This can lead to bitterness and resentment on the part of the offended party. Bitterness and resentment are not characteristic of a healthy relationship. Therefore, for any relationship to thrive and be classified as healthy, there is a need to set and maintain clear boundaries. Setting and maintaining clear boundaries require effective communication, self-awareness and the willingness to prioritize one's needs and values. Tips that can help in setting and maintaining boundaries include:
1. Understand Your Own Needs: The first step in setting boundaries is knowing and understanding your own needs, values, and limits. Take some time for self-reflection, and identify what situations or behaviors make you feel uncomfortable, anxious, or disrespected. Also, identify situations that you can accept and those you cannot accept. This enables you to communicate them more effectively.
2. Communicate your boundaries effectively: After identifying your boundaries, it is important to communicate them clearly to others and not assume that they should know. Effective communication is key when it comes to setting boundaries. Have open and honest conversations about your boundaries. Choose the right time and place to discuss these matters and remain calm and respectful throughout the conversation. Share your thoughts and feelings without blaming or criticizing the other party.
3. Be Assertive: Setting boundaries requires assertiveness. Be assertive and direct when expressing your boundaries. This means expressing yourself and your needs confidently while respecting the rights and needs of the other party. For instance, if you need the other party to stop doing what hurts you, let them know that their actions hurt you and you would appreciate it if they stopped doing it.
4. Do not rush: Setting boundaries doesn't mean abruptly transforming every aspect of your relationship. Start small by setting boundaries on specific issues or situations that are important to you. As your relationship strengthens, you can gradually add more boundaries if needed. Taking it step by step will help both of you to adjust to the changes more smoothly.
5. Be Consistent: Setting boundaries won't be effective unless you consistently uphold them. Consistency reinforces the message that your boundaries are not negotiable. This means sticking to your boundaries and not making exceptions. If the established boundary is continuously disregarded, it's essential to revisit the issue with open communication and make adjustments as needed.
6. Respect the others' boundaries: Just as you expect others to respect your boundaries, you must also respect theirs. Encourage them to express their boundaries honestly and non-judgmentally. Listen and validate their feelings and be willing to make compromises if necessary. Remember, a healthy relationship is a two-way street and it requires the efforts of both parties.
Setting and maintaining boundaries in relationships is essential for fostering mutual respect, individuality, and open communication. By understanding your own needs, communicating openly and assertively, starting small, being consistent and respecting others' boundaries, you can create a relationship that respects and nurtures both individuals involved. Boundaries are not meant to be barriers but rather the foundation for a healthy and balanced partnership.
Relationships contribute immensely to your total wellbeing and wellness and shouldn’t be something you take for granted.
The type of relationship you are involved in can be a tool to health or even sickness.
NB:We are bio individuals which is to say not all size fits all.prioritizing yourself and your journey with the support and guidance of a health coach will further help in your progress and such a person would be able to get detailed information about themselves that could facilitate results.
